so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
