Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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