Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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