last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
