We won't sleep together?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
