So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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