highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
