u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize