there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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