we have pet lesbian snakes
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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