I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
