I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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