fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
