my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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