I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
