Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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