make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
