Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
