If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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