At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
