Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
