I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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