She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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