Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
