Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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