come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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