Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
