If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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