I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
