Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
