I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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