guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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