i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
