I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
