she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
