She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
