Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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