I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize