I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
