it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
