you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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