I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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