Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
