Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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