I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
