Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
