with your own penis?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
