you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize