he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
