you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
