Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
