No awkward lesbian experiences without me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
