I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
