6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
