he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize