I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
