im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
