maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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