I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
