I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
