i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
