How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize