Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
