Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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