i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
